Support Systems

Wanting help isn't enough

"I want to do it all by myself!"

A common cry from a child. Children from age 2 onward are rapidly realizing they are separate from their parents, and usually waste no time developing, exercising, and pushing for however much autonomy as they feel comfortable with.

Some of us still hold fast to this urge — I certainly did for too long. Trouble is, none of us can afford to stubbornly refuse help or guidance. It comes at too high a cost. No (wo)man is an island, and peerpower is stronger than willpower.

We live in the connection economy — there's no one right recipe for success, but chances are it involves:

  1. Connecting to people
  2. Making something that connects with people's hearts or brains.

In most cases, both. In other words: time, effort, dedication, consistency.

Whatever you're struggling with, ask for help. People want to help you and you'll get clarity faster. #adulting

Stop making New Year's Resolutions

Join me and do a quarterly focus instead. That's 4 foci per year, all leading up to a big goal. Here's how my goal of "wellness" looks like, batched out:

Q1 — Move well.

Jan: Move your body 20-30 mins a day.
Feb: Choose a fun movement practice and go 1x/week.
Mar: Start going 2x/week.

Q2 — Eat well.

Apr: Order literally colorful dishes at restaurants (more colors means more variety of nutrients).
May: Make sure half my plate (eating out or in) is veggies.
Jun: Cook 5-ingredient healthy dishes at home a couple times a week (cook time max 1 hr, pot-to-plate)

Q3 — Rest well.

Jul: Take a 10 min break every 90 mins of working.
Aug: Pick 3 priorities for the day and stick to them. 
Sep: No devices past 11pm.

Q4 — Connect well.

Oct: Say "Hello!" to one stranger a day.
Nov: Write an intro email to like-minded friends once a day.
Dec: Plan or attend a simple gathering once a week.

Wish me luck, and let me know if you want to join me! I'd be happy to set up a support group.

Do the damn thing... with help

Sometimes, it's really hard to just do the damn thing. Say "I want to break up. I love you, but we're not right for each other." Say "No, I don't work on weekends." Get your workout clothes on your body, then leave the house.

And especially: Carve out time and space for the creative side project you've been talking about (maybe for years).

Look, it's time. Year's end and all that. Enlist the help of others to do the damn thing you want to try. We're social animals. Doesn't it feel easier to do something if you have a couple people supporting you through it, checking in?

I used to try to do everything by myself. It was based on a desire to be self-sufficient, not needing other people to get out of a jam or solve a puzzle. Well, guess what. It created a powerful drag that slowed me up for years. People are incredible resources if you let them be.

The bravest people I know reach out when they need help. That's how they're able to accomplish so much.

Who do you feel comfortable leaning on?